The Gottman’s Trust Revival Method:
Atone, Attune, Attach
Phase 1: Atone
Confession- tell all, except details of the sexual activity.
Understand What Went Wrong-why did the betrayer turn away, engage in negative COMPS, invest less in the relationship, and become less dependent on getting needs met through it? Why did the cheater engage in thoughts unfavorable to the other’s character, blame them for the unhappiness, stay open to or even encourage flirtation, and give oneself permission to cross that boundary.
Become aware of enduring vulnerabilities.
Explore the Cheater’s Reasons for Returning
Exact a High Cost for Future Betrayals
Begin to Forgive
Phase 2: Attune
When couples can understand each other at a deep level and lovingly express that knowledge to each other, real intimacy exists.
Phase 3: Attach
Without the presence of sexual intimacy that is pleasurable to both, the relationship can’t begin again.
Chptr 11 Connecting Through Intimate Sex
Assessment: Assessing the Sex, Romance and Passion in Your Relationship. P.185