The Gottman’s Trust Revival Method:
Atone, Attune, Attach
Phase 1: Atone
Remorse
Confession- tell all, except details of the sexual activity.
Behavior Change
Transparency
Verification
Understand What Went Wrong-why did the betrayer turn away, engage in
negative COMPS, invest less in the relationship, and become less dependent
on getting needs met through it? Why did the cheater engage in thoughts
unfavorable to the other’s character, blame them for the unhappiness, stay
open to or even encourage flirtation, and give oneself permission to cross
that boundary.
Become aware of enduring vulnerabilities.
Explore the Cheater’s Reasons for Returning
Exact a High Cost for Future Betrayals
Begin to Forgive
Phase 2: Attune
When couples can understand each other at a deep level and lovingly express
that knowledge to each other, real intimacy exists.
Phase 3: Attach
Without the presence of sexual intimacy that is pleasurable to both, the
relationship can’t begin again.
Chptr 11 Connecting Through Intimate Sex
Assessment: Assessing the Sex, Romance and Passion in Your Relationship.
P.185
If you have any questions about Gottman's Trust Revival Method, please call me at 214-535-5354 .